Well, it's the end of year 11, stepping into year 12.

Study. Compete. Exams. Assessments. Ranks. Study. That's it. That's all there is for the next year.

*Sigh*

What am I supposed to talk about? lol, I have no idea.

I'm getting my L's these holidays. I think.

Hairspray is a good movie. Must watch. [Zac = Hot]

Nothing planned for these holidays, as usual. Study .. ? Yuck.

Life is hard, isn't it? Or is it just me. Probably is. I think because it's hard, I just stop caring, let my room get messy, let things get out of hand, let things pass me by and then you just stop and realise and see what you've done. You think you have all the time in the world, and then its gone.

It's 6.30am, Saturday. I'm awake because I couldn't sleep. Kinda hard these days.

Unsurprisingly, I'm the only one online =]

And I'm bored. Obviously so bored, that I'd come to blog.

I've got exams starting next week. And for the two weeks after that. *sigh* I should be studying, but now I'm too tired.

*sigh* I don't know what to do anymore. And it all comes at such a crucial time. My heads always hurting, too much thinking. But I need to think. I need to figure it out.

Note: Please don't pay any attention to me. I know that this is just a phase, and it'll probably pass in a few hours. Problem Solved! Don't ask me to explain either. All I know is that I definitely don't know what's going on. *sigh*

To be continued.. LOL

[Don't i sound emo and depressed, haha]

Pro Chinese in 5 minutes:

(You MUST read them out loud or it doesnt make any sense)
1) Thats not right........ Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP............. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man...................... Dum Fuk
5) Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat
9) It\'s very dark in here... Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone... No Pah King
12) staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo
13) He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka
14) Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu
15) Great... Fa Kin Su Pah

OMG, fully lmao. =P

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

-WHEN I FLIP MY HAIR
PLAY WITH MY HAIR
-WHEN I RUN AWAY FROM YOU
CHASE ME
WHEN I POUT MY LIPS
-KISS ME
-WHEN I KICK & PUNCH
HOLD ME TIGHT
-WHEN I CALL YOU A LOSER
JUST KNOW THAT YOUR MY LOSER
-WHEN I AM SILENT
iM THINKIN OF HOW TO SAY I LOVE YOU
-WHEN I IGNORE YOU
I WANT ALL YOUR ATTENTION
-WHEN I PULL AWAY
GRAB ME BY THE WAIST AND NEVER LET GO
-WHEN YOU SEE ME AT MY WORST
TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL
-WHEN I SCREAM AT YOU
TELL ME YOU LOVE ME AND MEAN IT
-WHEN YOU SEE ME WALKING
SNEAK UP BEHIND ME GRAB ME BY THE WAIST AND GIVE ME A KISS
-IF I DONT CALL YOU
IM WANTING YOU TO CALL ME
-WHEN IM SCARED
HOLD ME AND TELL ME EVERYTHING WILL BE OK CAUSE I AM WITH YOU
-WHEN I LOOK LIKE SOMETHINGS THE MATTER
KISS ME AND TELL ME NOT TO WORRY
-WHILE I HOLD YOUR HANDS
PLAY WITH MY FINGERS

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Immature love says: I love you because I need you. Mature love says I need you because I love you Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those for whom love still heals, even though they've been hurt before. You must be a thief because you stole my heart. You must be tired because you're always running through my mind. Maybe I'm a bad shooter but i keep missing you. First time i saw you, i was scared to touch you. First time i touched you i was scared to kiss you. First time i kissed you, i was scared to love you but now that I love you, I'm scared to lose you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Guys Should: 1-touch their waist 2-talk to them 3-share secrets 4-give her your jacket 5-kiss them slowly 6-hug them 7-hold her 8-laugh with her 9-invite her somewhere 10-let her be with you when your with your friends 11-smile with her 12-take pics with her 13-pull her onto your lap 14-when she says she loves you more, deny it. fight back 15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she cant get to her friends. it makes her feel loved 16-always hug her and say i love you when you see her 17-kiss her unexpectedly 18-HUG HER FROM BEHIND AROUND THE WAIST!!! 19-tell her she beautiful not sexy! 20-tell her the way you feel about her! 21-kiss her on the lips 22-DONT ask her to buy you stuff. you buy HER stuff 23-TELL HER WHAT FEELS GOOD 24-make her feel loved 25-buy them stuff. like small things can still help 26-don't lie to her 27-dont cheat on her 28-take her anywhere she wants 29-txt messege her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school/work, and how much you miss her 30-be there for her when ever she needs you, & even though she doesn't need you just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you 31. Hold her close when she's cold and she can hold you too. 32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her. 33. Kiss her on the tip of her nose; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss them). 34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly. 35. When she complains that her neck/shoulders hurts massage it for her. 36. When people diss her, stand up for her. 37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her. 38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you. 39. When walking next to each other grab her hand. 40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible 41. call her at night to wish her sweet dreams. 42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears. 43. Take her for long walks at night. 44. Always Remind her how much you love her. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Why Guys Like Girls:   1. They will always smell good even if it's just shampoo. 2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder. 3. How cute they look when they sleep. 4. The ease in which they fit into our arms . 5. The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world. 6. How cute they are when they eat. 7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while. 8. Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside. 9. The way they look good no matter what they wear. 10. The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful girl on this earth. 11. How cute they are when they argue. 12. The way her hand always finds yours. 13. The way they smile. 14. The way you feel when you see their name on the caller ID after you just had a big fight. 15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later.... 16. The way that they kiss after you have had a fight. 17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you". 18. Actually...Just the way they kiss you... 19. The way they fall into your arms when they cry. 20. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly. 21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt. 22. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt (even though we don't admit it). 23. The way they say "I miss you". 24. The way you miss them. 25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore... Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, no paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Love Is......  Love is when I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about you Love is when I cant talk cause I'm afraid im gonna say something stupid Love is when I barely move 'cause im scared I will do something dumb Love is when I stare at the phone for hours hoping that you'll call Love is when the only thing that makes me feel better is your smile Love is when people can say anything to me or about me and u just don't care Love is when I get online and sit there for hours and wait for that annoying sound so I can finally talk to you Love is when I find someone that I can tell everything to and im sure u wont make fun of me Love is when I can just wake up have makeup running down my face from crying and you'll still say im beautiful Love is when you would do anything to see my smile Love is when I feel most comfortable in ur arms and wouldn't want to be anywhere else Love is when I forgive u and put fights aside jus because I cant stand not talking 2 u Love is when I look in your eyes and imagine us sometime in the future Love is when I get jealous wen u talk 2 other girls Love is when I want to be around u 24/7 Love is when I draw stick figures of you and me holding hands Love is when I kiss u and wish that moment lasted 4eva Love is when I close my eyes and can still smell ur deodorant Love is when I miss u wen iv only been away 4 5 minutes Love is when I try and move on from u but end up loving u even more Love is when I ignore what every1 else sais and follow my heart Love is when I dream about you and wish I never woke up Love is when I wish you'd never leave me Love is when I cant stop staring at you in class Love is when I wish I was in that bloody nerds seat so I could sit next 2 u instead Love is when I get goosebumps wen u just look at me from across the room Love is when I write our names in the sand over and over again Love is when I want to go 2 school 2 see you but also don't to see if you'll miss me Love is when I make myself beautiful just for you Love is when I laugh at you not with you just because ur so cute Love is when I hug some1 but wish from the bottom of my heart it was you Love is when I can spot you in a crowd over every1 else Love is when I get that "1 message received" and hope its from you Love is when I look into your eyes my sweetheart and fall in love all over again xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Your Guy Should...   ღ Leave you cute text messages. ღ Kiss you in front of his friends ღ Trust you over everyone else. ღ Tell you you look beautiful. ღ Look you in the eye when he talks to you. ღ Tell you stupid jokes to make you laugh. ღ Let you mess with his hair. ღ Just walk around with you. ღ Include you in everything he does. ღ When you cry do whatever to make you smile. ღ Forgive you for your mistakes. ღ Look at you like you the only girl he see's ღ Tickle you even if you say stop. ღ When you start swearing at him hell tell you he loves you. ღ Let you fall asleep in his arms. ღ Get you mad, then kiss you. ღ Tease you and let you tease him back. ღ Stay up with you all night when your sick. ღ Watch your favorite movie. ღ Write you letters. ღ Let you wear his clothes. ღ When your sad, hang out with you ღ Let you know your important. ღLet you take all the photos of him you wants. ღSurprise you with flowers for no reason ღKiss you in the rain. ღAnd when he falls in love with you, he'll tell you! ღAnd when he does tell you.. He'll love you like hes never loved before.

It's the holidays, as I am sure everyone is aware of (duh!!) but anyway, I just felt like I needed to restate that just in case anyone was confused =]

So far, my holidays have been, interesting I guess. Haven't been able to go out (I'm going to die from the deprivation of shopping!!) and Harry Potter (5 - in case anyone lost count, cos I have a few times) is coming out next week, on the Wednesday. Anyone wanna watch? I'm probably going to go on Fri/Sat/Sun. Can't Wait!!

*Shamefully* I'm becoming a bebo freak; but at least I'm not the only one *cough sharon cough*

Gotta study hard, only a few weeks left until the HSC. *cries* Study hard.

Some songs that I like (if anyone cares, lol, don't think so):

RJ Helton - If It Breaks My Heart
Jesse McCartney - Tell Her; Right Back In The Water, Second Star to the Right,
JoJo - Not that kinda girl, let it rain

I can't be bothered anymore. lol.
 I'll be back on tuesday, from my work placement! I heard Sharon was so excited about me coming back she's baking me a cake, guess I should get some appointments for the dentist ready. =P

During the week I kinda decided on two things. Well they're kinda connected, but anyway: I have decided to be a better person (by abit) cos I love joanne soooo much, but you can't expect too much. And the other thing is kinda secret =]

Take care.

I miss ivy  *cries*

Well I did have something to write about yesterday, but my net took too long to load the site so I just gave up. Now I don't really know what to write about, I guess it doesn't matter anyway since only few people read it, lol. I don't care, I just like having somewhere to write random stuff. So now I'm listening to a song by Chris Brown titled "Say Goodbye" and well, I guess I'll make that my topic.

Basically, the song is about a him not feeling the same about the girl and about breaking up with her. He feels bad for it, but he knows he has to do it, it's kinda like 'its now or never'. And also about the unknown of what's going to happen next.

"How do you let it go, when you, you just don't know
What's on the other side of the door
When you're walking out
....
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye"

This song is so depressing and it's making me depressed. I feel so blocked right now, like emotionally. Physically, I'm okay, like I'm tired, but I'm okay. Just Emotionally, I just, don't know how I feel. I feel so many things.

Anyway, how do you know when to let go? Is it like one of those things where its like "you just know"? And how do you know that you know? Even if you decide to let go, is it easy? Because it isn't for me and I don't know what to do. In a way, I want to move on and I know I need to, but then I just don't want to because I'm scared of what's going to happen next. Because I don't know what's going to happen next.

I don't know if anyone's noticed, but someone must have, but I'm the kind of person who wants to know everything that's going to happen. I don't like being unsure, or not knowing or doing something that's unplanned.

Like I mean everything is going okay, you know? I mean the most important thing (school) is going okay, I'm not doing the best I could probably do, but I'm doing okay and I can feel myself improving especially in maths. And nobody's been stressing me out or anything, at least, not more than usual.

I don't know what to do. It's not like I don't trust anyone or anything, because there's heaps. I just can't bring myself to talk about it.

How does anyone know when time's up and that its for you to go? How do you decide? And when you do how can you carry it out?

It's better to have love and lost then to have never loved at all.

Is it?
I mean, when you lose someone, you know you have lost it and you experience the loss because you knew what it was like to have it. But if you never loved anyone, then you don't really know what it's like to have loved someone and therefore you don't experience the loss or the absence of that love or loved one.
Right? (Don't think I make sense, lol)

<P>I bet everyone is happy since its the holidays now. But for me it means even more studying *cries*<BR>I guess I can talk about friendships. I don't know about alot of other people, but I'm not heaps good with friends. Like, I don't mean I lose all my friends or anything, but like, the level of closeness (is that a word?) is always changing. I guess all of you realised that. With me I mean. I guess the longest friendship type-thing with closeness being the same is with bruno, lol. <BR>Like, in year seven and year eight, me and sharon were really close cos I had every class with her *cries* =P And I was pretty close to Raymond too. Now look at us. <BR>Then year eight was Sharon and Joanne.<BR>Year nine was Mercy-lyn, Peter, Lucky and Mohammed. <BR>Year 10 was Miki mostly. Now, its Katrina cos I'm in half her classes. And I just realised that 5 out of 6 subjects we chose were the same, so we could've been in every class together. <BR>Anyways, my entry has no particular point. I just wanted to say how I'm bad at keeping friends. <BR>And strangely, I'm pretty close to Ivy too. - I'm just saying its weird since Ivy's left, and then we became close. I mean I was already close, but now we're closer. </P>
<P>And just so you know, I don't mean this as I get bored with these people then I find someone else, its just cos I'm in so many of their classes and end up spending so much time together. <BR>Such a random blog. lol. </P>

[Forewarning: This entry is kind sad and depressing and a tiny bit emo, if you're already depressed or feeling emo/suicidal, or in a really good mood, don't read it. In fact, just don't read it at all.]

Have you ever wanted something that you know you will never get, come or have?

You sit there and no matter how long you sit there wanting, dreaming and wishing for it, it won't come.

You know it won't. And still you wait. And Wish. And Dream.

Something that you once had, something good and something that made you happy. Of something you heard of, making you want it. Something there. Wanting someone, wanting them the way they used to be, the way they used to act and the way they treated you. Believing that deep down, they are still there. Believing they will come back. But even deeper down, you know they won't.

This is not something you can make happen. You can't make a person into something that they're not. Maybe before, but now it's too late. You don't know how to get them back. To even reach them.

Physically, they're there. Right in front of you. Talking, laughing. But they're not. It's not them. It's a horrible replacement who killed the real them.

No matter how much your heart aches for it, it's still not coming. It's too far gone. Too late.